Childhood Trauma and Shame

Shame is a universal emotion — but for some, it’s not just an occasional reaction to a mistake. It’s a persistent internal voice whispering, “I’m not good enough”. According to a growing body of research, this deep-rooted sense of unworthiness is often linked to something much bigger: developmental trauma.

A 2025 systematic review by researchers Vitória Ibias Flach and Laura A. Cariola, published in Trends in Psychology, uncovers how adverse experiences during childhood and adolescence — including abuse, neglect, and bullying — are significantly associated with a lasting tendency to feel shame. The review brings together findings from 14 studies involving over 6,000 young people across multiple countries.

The Roots of Shame: What Is Developmental Trauma?

When we think of trauma, we often imagine big, dramatic events — but trauma can also come in quiet, everyday forms. Developmental trauma refers to harmful or stressful experiences that occur during the critical years of childhood and adolescence — when a person’s identity, worldview, and emotional regulation systems are still being shaped.

Developmental trauma may include:

• Abuse (physical, emotional, or sexual)

• Neglect (being ignored or emotionally dismissed)

• Bullying or peer rejection

• Living in unsafe or chaotic environments

• Stigma or discrimination

Even distant parenting and repeated exposure to harsh criticism or being constantly ignored by a parent can leave a mark. And the more frequent or ongoing these experiences are, the more damaging they can become.

What makes developmental trauma especially impactful is that it often comes from the people and places that are supposed to be safe — parents, schools, peers. And when safety and support are missing during those formative years, the result can be a deeply distorted self-image.

Understanding Why Shame Is So Damaging

Shame is often confused with guilt, but they’re fundamentally different. Guilt is about feeling bad for something you’ve done — a specific action. Shame, on the other hand, is about feeling bad for who you are.

Someone who is shame-prone doesn’t just think, “I made a mistake”. They think, “I am the mistake”.

• Guilt is feeling bad about something you did. ("I made a mistake")

• Shame is feeling bad about who you are. ("I am a mistake")

Over time, this kind of thinking becomes a filter — one that colours how we see ourselves, how we interpret others’ behaviour, and how we respond to challenges. Shame leads to hiding, avoiding connection, and often, believing that we’re not worthy of love, success, or happiness. And for people who experienced trauma early in life, shame can become an almost automatic response to stress, failure, or criticism.

What the Research Shows

The review examined 14 studies involving children, teens, and young adults across multiple countries. One key finding was consistent across the board: people who experienced developmental trauma were more likely to become shame-prone.

Children who were neglected, for example, were more likely to blame themselves when things went wrong — even when they had no control. Teens who had been bullied often internalized the abuse, believing they deserved it. And young adults who had been emotionally dismissed by parents as children were more likely to report high levels of shame, anxiety, and even self-harm later in life.

For example:

• A child whose parent is always angry may think, “I must be bad”.

• A teen who is bullied might believe, “I deserve this”.

Importantly, shame wasn’t just present in the aftermath of trauma — it often acted as a bridge between early trauma and later mental health issues. In other words, the shame people carried because of what they’d been through contributed to depression, anxiety, isolation, and self-destructive behaviours.

People who are shame-prone are more likely to struggle with:

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Self-harm

• Low self-esteem

• Relationship difficulties

• Social withdrawal

In other words, shame doesn't just hurt your feelings — it affects your entire life.

How Parents, Peers, and Gender Influence Shame

One of the strongest influences on a child’s sense of self is the relationship they have with their parents or caregivers. The review found that when children felt accepted, emotionally supported, and validated, they were more resilient. But when parents were cold, critical, or neglectful, shame-proneness increased significantly.

Peers also played a powerful role — especially during adolescence. Being bullied, socially excluded, or publicly humiliated often led to internalized shame that lasted long after the bullying stopped.

Gender also influenced how shame showed up:

• Girls were more likely to feel shame and guilt, especially after sexual abuse or emotional rejection.

• Boys often felt pressure to be “tough”, and were more likely to show shame through anger or aggression.

• Girls were also much more likely to experience sexual trauma — up to seven times more than boys in one study.

These differences suggest that the experience of shame — and its impact — isn’t one-size-fits-all. Culture, gender roles, and social dynamics all play a part.

Why Diagnoses Like PTSD Might Miss the Full Picture

One of the most important insights from this research is that many people suffering from the effects of trauma — especially shame — might not meet the criteria for a formal diagnosis like PTSD. That’s because diagnostic systems like the DSM and ICD tend to focus on life-threatening events. But trauma doesn’t always come in extreme forms.

Many people experience long-term emotional harm from subtle or repeated experiences: being constantly dismissed, unheard, humiliated, or emotionally neglected. These experiences don’t always make headlines, but they do rewire how a person sees themselves — and their worth.

This means many individuals go through life carrying the heavy burden of shame without realizing it stems from untreated, unrecognized trauma.

Healing Shame: Psychological Interventions That Help

So, what can be done?

The research review didn’t just highlight the problem — it also pointed toward hope. The good news is that shame-proneness can be changed. While it might feel deeply ingrained, it’s not unchangeable. There are effective psychological therapies designed to help people understand and overcome shame rooted in early trauma.

Psychological therapies help people process trauma, reframe negative self-beliefs, and rebuild self-worth. But even outside of therapy, healing can begin through honest self-reflection, supportive relationships, and learning to recognize when the voice of shame is speaking — and choosing not to believe it.

If you’ve struggled with shame or low self-worth, especially if you went through difficult experiences as a child, know this: You are not broken. Your feelings make sense. And with the right tools and support, you can change the story you’ve been telling yourself.

Key Takeaways

• Many people who feel deep shame today experienced trauma during childhood.

• That trauma can create a lasting belief that you're unworthy, broken, or "bad".

• This isn’t a personality flaw — it’s a survival response.

• Shame-proneness is linked to depression, anxiety, and self-harm.

• Healing takes time, but it is possible — and you don’t have to do it alone.

Want to learn more about the research?

This blog is based on a 2025 review published in Trends in Psychology. You can read the academic article here.